Fact: More than 80% of women:
- believe they’re not good enough;
- feel they don’t measure up in some way;
- are sure they fall short when it comes to their looks, success in business and relationships.
80% of us – GASP! So let me ask you as question – not good enough compared to what exactly? Because that is what it really comes down to isn’t it? You can only be not good enough, don’t measure up or fall short if you are being compared to some sort of standard of measurement. So what is it? Can I get honest with you – its YOU, but you have convinced yourself its everyone and everything around you. You think its the mom who stays at home with her kids and appears to have it all together, or the mom who works full time and appears to have it all together, or the mom who always looks put together, or the mom who seems happy all of the time, or whatever insecurity of the day is. Whoever, wherever, whenever – SHE is there reminding you and showing up as YOUR insecurities. It isn’t about her, its about you. GASP! I know, but its true.
Every once and awhile I get completely tripped up in this game. Like tripping over every mom who crosses my path and falling flat on my face in a puddle of my own tears (not literally, but kind of). Last week was one of those weeks for me. I felt “not enough” in almost every aspect of my life:
- not being a patient mom
- not growing my business fast enough
- not eating healthy enough
- not doing enough (um, whatever that means. It seemed logical at the time)
You get the drift. And I’m hoping you can also see how generic and unfounded all of it is. The feeling is real for sure, but the hard evidence is not. In the past, my plan of attack would have been to notice said insecurity (let’s say “patient mom”) and then say to myself “yeah, but she doesn’t have a toddler”. You know, justify the insecurity by comparing myself to “her” yet again to make myself feel better. You know, for a moment – like a bandaid, rather than actually healing the wound properly. This is kind of a two wrongs don’t make a right situation. Comparing and justifying doesn’t solve the initial trigger of comparison. Sigh – I know, but it’s so quick and easy to play – right?
As women we need to develop a stronger sense of self, learning that comparing ourselves to others is no longer necessary and certainly not a habit that we need to continue. When you decide that the only person you have to please is yourself and define what you want your life to be you will find the peace within yourself. And this my friends is called empowerment. If the only person you are competing with is yourself, you can set realistic, attainable, and rewarding goals. You can have many small victories along the way, and allow yourself to celebrate them. You hear that – CELEBRATE them.
So play along with me for a second here. What if you just stopped for a second and thought about everything that you are and everything that you have done already today, this week and maybe even this past year. What if you just focused on you and celebrated that? WHAT? I know, crazy thought right? Consider this a challenge for yourself. Even for day or this week, every time you started to compare yourself you just stopped and took notice. Just notice – without judgement, or criticism, or trying to fix it. Just notice. When you start to notice your thoughts and behaviour you cannot help but become more aware with your thoughts. And when you are aware of your thoughts you have more power in controlling them.
You are enough. As a woman, friend, mom, spouse, friend, sibling, daughter, co-worker, boss, employee, whatever. You are enough.